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Tres maneras de comprender mejor tus emociones
Título original: 3 ways to better understand your emotions
Fuente: Harvard Business Review
Autor: Susan David.
Tres maneras de comprender mejor tus emociones
Lidiar eficazmente con las emociones es una de las habilidades claves por excelencia. Y ponerle nombre a nuestras emociones (lo que los psicólogos llaman etiquetar) es un importante primer paso para lidiar con ellas de manera efectiva. Pero es más difícil de lo que parece; muchos de nosotros luchamos constantemente con identificar lo que realmente sentimos, y la mayoría de las veces la “etiqueta” más obvia no es realmente la más acertada.
Existe una gran variedad de razones para que esto sea tan difícil: Hemos sido entrenados para creer que las emociones fuertes deben ser reprimidas. Tenemos ciertas reglas (a veces tabúes) sociales y organizacionales en contra de expresar este tipo de emociones. Incluso nunca aprendimos un lenguaje para describirlas con precisión. Consideren estos dos ejemplos:
Neena se encuentra en una reunión con Jared y él ha pasado todo el tiempo diciendo cosas que la han querido hacer explotar. Además de interrumpirla constantemente, les has recordado a los presentes, otra vez, acerca de un proyecto en el cual ella trabajaba y falló. Está muy enojada.
Mikhail llega a casa después de un largo día y cuelga su abrigo mientras suspira. Su esposa le pregunta si algo malo pasa. “Solo estoy estresado” le responde, sacando la laptop para terminar un reporte.
Enojo y estrés son dos de las emociones que suelen observarse en los lugares de trabajo, o por lo menos esos son los nombres con los que frecuentemente las denominamos. Pero ciertamente muchas veces sirven como fachada para cubrir sentimientos más profundos que deberíamos poder describir de forma más matizada y precisa, y así desarrollar un mayor nivel de agilidad emocional; capacidad esencial que nos permitiría interactuar con mayor éxito para con nosotros mismos y el mundo.
Si, Neena estaba enojada, pero ¿y si también estaba triste? Triste porque su proyecto fracasó, tal vez se sentía ansiosa por el temor a que su fracaso fuese a atormentarla personal y profesionalmente. Las continuas interrupciones de Jared pueden haber producido que su temor y ansiedad se acrecentaran. ¿Por qué fracasó su proyecto? ¿Y qué consecuencias tendrá en su lugar de trabajo? Todas estas emociones caben en su enojo, pero también existen otros sentimientos que ella debería identificar y abordar.
¿Y qué pasa si el estrés de Mikhail se debe al hecho de que ya no está tan seguro de seguir en la carrera correcta? Los días solían ser divertidos, ¿Por qué ya no lo son? Sin duda él esta estresado, ¿pero que hay debajo de todo ese estrés?
Estas preguntas abren un abanico de potenciales interrogantes y respuestas a Neena y a Mikhail. Como ellos, estamos necesitados de un vocabulario más específico y orgánico para las emociones, no sólo por el bien de ser más precisos, sino porque diagnosticar incorrectamente nuestras emociones nos hace responder a ellas de manera también incorrecta. Si pensamos que tenemos que superar un enojo, tomaremos un camino diferente a tratar de resolver una decepción o ansiedad, puede que dejemos estos sentimientos totalmente aparcados.
Ha sido demostrado que cuando la gente no se percata ni aborda sus emociones, muestra menor bienestar y síntomas físicos de estrés, como fuertes dolores de cabeza. Evitar nuestros sentimientos conlleva un costo muy alto. Por otro lado, manejar un vocabulario correcto nos permite ver cuál es el problema real y hacerse cargo de la experiencia que estamos atravesando, entender claramente lo que sentimos y construir un mapa para solucionarlo.
A continuación veremos tres maneras de conseguir un sentido más preciso de nuestras emociones:
Ampliar tu vocabulario emocional
Las palabras importan. Si estás experimentando una emoción fuerte, tomate un momento para considerar como llamarla. Pero no termines ahí, trata de pensar dos palabras más que describan lo que estás sintiendo. Puede sorprenderte la amplitud de tus emociones, o develar una emoción más profunda enterrada bajo la que sientes a flor de piel.
Aquí tenemos una lista de términos para identificar emociones; puedes encontrar más googleando alguna palabra de la lista.
Una lista de emociones
Ve más allá de lo obvio para identificar mejor tus sentimientos.
| Enojado | Triste | Ansioso | Herido | Avergonzado | Feliz |
| Mal humorado | Decepcionado | Temeroso | Celoso | Aislado | Agradecido |
| Frustrado | Lúgubre | Estresado | Traicionado | Auto Consiente | Confiado |
| Contrariado | Arrepentido | Vulnerable | Aislado | Solitario | Cómodo |
| Defensivo | Deprimido | Confundido | Conmocionado | Inferior | Contento |
| Malévolo | Paralizado | Desconcertado | Privado | Culpable | Excitado |
| Impaciente | Pesimista | Escéptico | Victimizado | Abochornado | Relajado |
| Disgustado | Lacrimógeno | Preocupado | Agraviado | Repugnante | Aliviado |
| Ofendido | Consternado | Cauteloso | Atormentado | Patético | Exaltado |
| Irritado | Desilusionado | Nervioso | Abandonado | Confundido | Seguro |
Tiene la misma importancia hacer esto tanto con las emociones “positivas” como con las “negativas”. Tener la posibilidad de decir que estás excitado por la posibilidad de un trabajo nuevo (no solamente “nervioso”) o sentirte confiado con un colega (no un simplemente “me cae bien”), por ejemplo, te ayudará a llegar a tu meta, ya sea en un rol específico o en una relación, de manera que puedas tener éxito.
Considerar la intensidad de la emoción
Somos aptos para utilizar los descriptores básicos tales como “enojado” o “estresado” aun cuando nuestros sentimientos pasan por extremos mayores. Tuve un cliente, Ed (no es su nombre verdadero) que estaba luchando por su matrimonio; frecuentemente describía a su esposa como “enojada” y él se enojaba por eso. Pero como la tabla de vocabulario sugiere, cada emoción viene con gran variedad de sabores. Cuando hablamos de describir las emociones de su esposa con otras palabras, Ed se dio cuenta que había veces en las que ella tal vez se sentía irritada o impaciente. Esta percepción transformó su relación porque de repente él pudo ver que ella no estaba enojada todo el tiempo. Lo cual significaba que él podía actuar acorde a su emoción específica y ocuparse sin tener que enojarse también. De igual modo, esto importa en nuestra propia auto-evaluación, ya sea que nos encontremos enojados, o simplemente de mal humor, tristes, consternados, exaltados o satisfechos.
Así como etiquetamos nuestras emociones también deberíamos hacer una escala del 1 al 10. ¿Qué tan profundamente sentimos una emoción? ¿Qué tan urgente es, o qué tan fuerte? ¿Hace esto que elijamos otras palabras para describirla?
Escribirlo
James Pennebaker ha investigado durante 40 años los nexos que existen entre la escritura y los procesos emocionales. Sus estudios revelan que las personas que escriben acerca de sus episodios de fuerte carga emocional experimentan un marcado progreso en su bienestar físico y mental. Por otra parte en un reciente estudio que realizó a trabajadores despedidos descubrió que aquellos que profundizaron sobre sus sentimientos de humillación, ira, ansiedad y dificultades en las relaciones tenían tres veces más posibilidades de ser recontratados.
Estos experimentos también han revelado que con el tiempo la gente que escribe acerca de sus sentimientos comienza a profundizar enormemente en lo que esos sentimientos significaban (o no significaban!), utilizando frases tales como: “he aprendido”, “se me ocurrió que”, “la razón por la que”, “ahora me doy cuenta” y “yo entiendo”. El proceso de escribir les permite adquirir una nueva perspectiva sobre sus emociones, para entenderlas y para también entender lo que estas implican de forma más clara.
Hay un ejercicio que se usa para reflejar emociones a través de la escritura. Se puede hacer todos los días, pero es particularmente útil cuando se está pasando por un momento duro o una gran transición, o cuando se siente una gran confusión emocional, o si se ha tenido una experiencia difícil que no ha sido totalmente procesada.
- Poner un cronómetro por 20 minutos.
- Ya sea en tu notebook o PC, escribe acerca de tus experiencias emocionales de tu última semana, mes o año.
- No te preocupes en hacerlo perfecto o legible, ve por donde tu mente te lleve.
- Finalmente no tienes que guardar el documento; el punto es que esos pensamientos ya están fuera tuyo y en una página.
También se pueden utilizar estos tres enfoques: ampliación de vocabulario, tener en cuenta la intensidad de una emoción y escribir, cuando uno trata de entender mejor las emociones de otra persona. Como vimos en el ejemplo de Ed y su esposa, somos tan capaces de equivocarnos al etiquetar las emociones de las otras personas como las propias, creando consecuencias igualmente complicadas. Para entender qué es lo que los otros sienten lo mejor es estar informado y responder de manera constructiva.
Una vez que uno entiende sus propios sentimientos, se torna más fácil abordar y aprender a describir las emociones. Si Neena abordara la tristeza y el arrepentimiento que siente a causa de su proyecto fallido, así como la ansiedad de lo que esto significará para su trabajo, sería más productivo que tratar de descifrar como manejar su enojo con Jared. Y si Mikhail reconociera la ansiedad que le produce su carrera, podría elaborar un plan mejor para construir su futuro, en lugar de auto compadecerse a sí mismo haciendo el mismo trabajo cada vez que llega a casa por la noche.
Cómo prepararse mentalmente para una conversación difícil
Título original: How to Mentally Prepare for a Difficult Conversation
Fuente: Harvard Business Review
Autor: Amy Gallo
How to Mentally Prepare for a Difficult Conversation
Your colleague sent you a passive-aggressive email and you want to sit down and address it face to face. Or perhaps you’ve got some tough feedback you need to give to a coworker. Or maybe you’ve decided to discuss some growing tension on your team with your boss. When you’ve resolved to talk through a difficulty with a colleague, it’s tempting to have the conversation immediately. No better time than the present, right? Well, not quite. When you’re talking about a conflict, emotions often run high and going into the conversation cold may set you up for an unproductive, contentious debate. Taking time to prepare mentally will help you remain calm, increase the chances that the conversation will go smoothly, and improve the ultimate solution.
You’ll also want to think about the logistics (where and when you meet) and your strategy (how will you frame the problem and what you’ll say first). But getting ready emotionally is perhaps the most important work you need to do before you get into the room. Here are a few things you can go do to get ready.
Check your mindset. If you’re getting ready for a discussion you’ve labeled “difficult,” you may be feeling nervous, stressed, angry, or upset about it ahead of time. To minimize those negative emotions, try to think about it as a regular conversation and frame it in a positive way. For example, instead of giving a negative performance review, you’re having a constructive conversation about development. Or you’re not saying “no” to your boss; you’re offering up an alternative solution.
This isn’t sugarcoating. Be honest with yourself about how hard the conversation might be, but also put as constructive a frame on it as possible. You might tell yourself: It will be a normal discussion, and we may have to talk about difficult things, but we’ll work through them together because Carol and I have always respected each other.
And focus on what you stand to gain from the conversation. “Assume you have something to learn; assume there is a more creative solution than you’ve thought of,” says Jeff Weiss, a partner at Vantage Partners, a Boston-based consultancy specializing in corporate negotiations and relationship management, and author of the HBR Guide to Negotiating. By entering the discussion with an open mind, regardless of your coworker’s stance, you’re more likely to find common ground.
See the situation from your counterpart’s perspective. Try to get a sense of what your colleague might be thinking. She had a rationale for the way she’s behaved so far, even if you don’t agree with it. What might that reason be? Imagine you’re in her shoes. Ask yourself questions like: What would I do if I were her, or if I were in R&D instead of marketing? What if I were someone reporting to me? What if I were my boss?
Also ask yourself: What is she trying to achieve? You’ll need a sense of what her goal is if you want to resolve it. Identify places where you see eye to eye on the issues. This common ground will give you a foundation to joint problem-solve.
If you’re at a loss, ask a colleague what he thinks is going on in your counterpart’s mind. You might say something like, “I’d love some advice and coaching. I haven’t worked much with Akiko before, but I know you have. Can you help me understand how she might be seeing this situation?” Don’t use the conversation to seek validation. “Paint the situation for him as neutrally as you can,” says Karen Dillon, author of the HBR Guide to Office Politics. “Cataloging every fault and misstep will probably get you sympathy but not constructive feedback, so focus on the problem.”
And you won’t know everything ahead of time, so come up with a list of questions you want to ask when you sit down with your counterpart. This will help you, once you’re face-to-face, to show that you care enough about her perspective to think it through beforehand and to discover more about how she views the situation.
Vent. Before you get into the room, find a trusted colleague or a spouse or friend who can listen to you complain. Say everything you feel about the situation — the good, the bad, and the ugly. Don’t hold back. Be careful who you choose to vent to, though. You don’t want to go to the friend who just riles you up. Find someone who has a calming presence and will ask helpful questions.
Susan David, a psychologist and coauthor of the Harvard Business Review article Emotional Agility, says that “suppressing your emotions — deciding not to say something when you’re upset—can lead to bad results.” She explains that if you don’t express your emotions, they’re likely to show up elsewhere. Psychologists call this emotional leakage. “Have you ever yelled at your spouse or child after a frustrating day at work—a frustration that had nothing to do with him or her? When you bottle up your feelings, you’re likely to express your emotions in unintended ways instead, either sarcastically or in a completely different context. Suppressing your emotions is associated with poor memory, difficulties in relationships, and physiological costs (such as cardiovascular health problems),” David explains. Prevent your emotions from seeping out — in the conversation or at home — by getting your feelings out ahead of time. That way, you’ll be more centered and calm when you’re having the discussion.
You may be wondering, Do I really need to do this for one 10-minute conversation? While it takes some time (though it will get easier the more you do it), there is a huge payoff. You’ll go into the conversation with the right mindset, feeling confident, knowing what you want to achieve.
¿Cómo la meditación beneficia a los CEOs?
Título original: How meditation benefits CEOs
Fuente: Harvard Business Review
Autor: Kimberly Schaufenbuel
How meditation benefits CEOs
When was the last time you sat quietly at your desk and did nothing but think? How would you react if you observed a peer, employee, or manager doing so? Encouraging employees to slow down to focus on the present can seem at odds with a corporate culture of speed and goal attainment. But in today’s hyper-paced work environment, mindfulness practitioners know the importance of recharging in order to regain productivity. And mindfulness research is convincing many managers that investing in reflection, openness, and thoughtfulness will have a positive impact on employees and on the bottom line.
As a leadership strategy, mindfulness helps people to be more effective by directing focus to the most pertinent task at hand. Deprogramming multitasking tendencies and intentionally focusing with full attention results in higher quality interactions and decisions. Mindful decision makers take the time to consider all of their options, and therefore make more-informed decisions. Managers who model and promote mindful practices with their teams create an environment of engagement.
Several well-known and respected organizations have long recognized the benefits that mindfulness brings. Here are some specific examples of the types of programs these forward-thinking companies are implementing:
Google prides itself on being socially conscious, offering employees substantial benefits and perks, including more than a dozen mindfulness courses. Google’s most popular mindfulness course, “Search Inside Yourself,” offered since 2007, has thousands of alumni. Google believes that these mindfulness programs teach emotional intelligence, which helps people better understand their colleagues’ motivations. They also boost resilience to stress and improve mental focus. Participants of the “Search Inside Yourself” program report being calmer, more patient, and better able to listen. They also say the program helped them better handle stress and defuse emotions.
Aetna developed, launched, and studied two mindfulness programs in 2010 — Viniyoga Stress Reduction and Mindfulness at Work — in collaboration with Duke University, eMindful, and the American Viniyoga Institute. The goals of the programs were to help reduce stress and to improve reactions to stress. Aetna liked the outcome of its study on mindfulness so much that it now offers its mindfulness programs to customers. Participants in both programs showed significant improvement in perceived stress levels and various heart rate measurements, demonstrating that their bodies were better able to manage stress. In addition, the study foundthat these improvements could be realized regardless of whether the programs are presented in person or online, as there were statistically equivalent results between the delivery methods.
General Mills has offered mindfulness programs to its employees in its Minneapolis headquarters since 2006. The courses are designed to improve employee focus, clarity, and creativity. The company also offers weekly meditation sessions and yoga classes, and it has a dedicated meditation room in every building on its campus.
Intel began offering its Awake@Intel mindfulness program in 2012. On average, participants report a two-point decrease (on a scale of 1 to 10) in stress and feeling overwhelmed, a three-point increase in overall happiness and well-being, and a two-point increase in new ideas, insights, mental clarity, creativity, ability to focus, quality of relationships at work, and level of engagement in meetings, projects, and team efforts — all articulated goals of the program.
Target also offers mindfulness meditation training. Its “Meditating Merchants” network began in 2010 at the retail chain’s Minneapolis headquarters. The mindfulness training is open to all employees at several company locations.
Green Mountain Coffee Roasters has also embraced mindfulness. The company offers monthly daylong mindfulness retreats to its employees, their families and friends, and the community at large.
As many organizations can attest, bringing mindfulness to the workplace has decreased people’s stress levels while improving focus and clarity, listening and decision-making skills, and overall well-being. Perhaps most importantly from a management perspective, mindfulness gives employees permission to think. Mindfulness is the essence of engagement. Being fully present — and allowing your team to be fully in the moment — will reap rewards on a personal and professional level.
Why Google, Target and General Mills are investing in mindfulness
Título original: Why Google, Target and General Mills are investing in mindfulness
Fuente: Harvard Business Review
Autor: Emma Seppala
Why Google, Target and General Mills are investing in mindfulness
Mindfulness is quickly following yoga in becoming a billion-dollar industry. It’s no surprise, then, that the popularity of meditation – one way to practice mindfulness – is also growing among CEOs and senior executives. Why are business leaders embracing meditation rather than, say, massage or ping-pong? Because there’s something to meditation that appears to benefit CEOs more than recreation or relaxation do alone.
As CEO of the TLEX Institute, Johann Berlin specializes in bringing mindfulness training to CEOs and corporate teams. He says he’s seeing a growing interest among leaders in meditation as a way to build leadership skills – and achieve business goals. “Most of our new clients … are not sold by mindfulness as a novelty. They want to see how these approaches … are truly beneficial to existing priorities like retention, talent advancement, innovation.” For example, one of Berlin’s clients, a Fortune 25 company, has integrated mindfulness techniques into its high potentials program with the goal of creating agile and flexible mindsets as a foundation for leadership.
The research on mindfulness suggests that meditation sharpens skills like attention, memory, and emotional intelligence. I spoke with a number of executives about their experiences with meditation, and saw again and again how their observations about meditation in the workplace connected back to the findings of academic research.
Meditation builds resilience. Multiple research studies have shown that meditation has the potential to decrease anxiety, thereby potentially boosting resilience and performance under stress. That’s certainly been true for Alak Vasa, founder of Elements Truffles, who started meditating as a trader at Goldman Sachs and ITG. She claims meditation helped her keep fear and panic at bay, even under duress. “There was this one instance where the market tanked and there was panic on the desk. The trading desk was an organized riot. Thanks to my meditation practice, I was able to keep my composure and propose solutions to reduce the impact of the market crash.”}}
Jonathan Tang, founder and CEO of VASTRM fashion, first introduced meditation to his staff after 9/11. “In the aftermath of 9/11, the employees at my company were noticeably shaky and distracted. I decided to bring in a meditation facilitator to offer people the ability to sit silent for 20 minutes. The room filled up quickly as people really needed an outlet for peace. When the session was over, people who had never meditated before were filled with a sense of calm. It helped them be more present at work and even carried forth to being more present with their families at home.”
Meditation boosts emotional intelligence. Brain-imaging research suggests that meditation can help strengthen your ability to regulate your emotions.
Archana Patchirajan, successful serial entrepreneur and CEO and Founder of Sattva, shared that in her early years as a leader, she wanted things to happen in her way and on her timeline. “I didn’t tend to understand what my team was going through. I would just get angry if they did not perform according to my expectations. ” Given research that shows anger’s impact on cardiovascular health, it is critical that leaders be able to manage their anger, and put themselves in others’ shoes. “Thanks to meditation I have developed patience.” Archana says. ”I have a better relationship with my team. Best of all, I maintain my peace of mind.”
Dr. James Doty, a neurosurgeon at Stanford University’s School of Medicine, also values meditation for its ability to cultivate emotional intelligence. A colleague had developed a cutting-edge medical device, but the company he had started to develop and sell the device was on the rocks. Doty, an early investor, became the CEO. At a meeting with vital – but disgruntled – stakeholders, he faced an angry, unreasonable investor. He credits his mindfulness practice with helping him respond with empathy: “I paused and slowly took a few breaths… This led me to actually listen and understand not only his situation, but what he wanted and expected. By not responding in an emotional manner, it resulted in his not only becoming supportive but also becoming an ally in making the company a success. The company ultimately went public at a valuation of $1.3B. ”
Meditation enhances creativity. Research on creativity suggests that we come up with our greatest insights and biggest breakthroughs when we are in a more meditative and relaxed state of mind. That is when we have “eureka” moments. This is likely because meditation encourages divergent thinking (i.e. coming up with the greatest number of possible solutions to a problem), a key component of creativity.
Charly Kleissner credits meditation with helping him come up with new ideas and ventures that would otherwise not have occurred to him. “I co-founded the 100% IMPACT Network because of my meditation practice.”
Meditation improves your relationships. While stress narrows your perspective and that of your team, and reduces empathy, negatively impacting performance, meditation can help boost your mood and increase your sense of connection to others, even make you a kinder and more compassionate person.
Chirag Patel, CEO of Amneal Pharmaceuticals and Ernst & Young 2011 Entrepreneur of the Year, credits meditation with helping him feel more connected to his clients. “In a business you start connecting to your customer as your family rather than merely a business transaction.” The same goes for his relationships with his colleagues and staff.
Meditation helps you focus. Research has shown that our minds have a tendency to wander about 50% of the time. Add in work interruptions, text messages, IMs, phone calls, and emails, and it’s no surprise that employees have a hard time staying focused. But studies show that meditation training can help curb our tendency for distraction, strengthening our ability to stay focused and even boosting memory.
Peter Cooper, founder of Cooper Investors, attributes his ability to invest wisely to his meditation practice. “Being an investor requires the distillation of large volumes of information into a few relevant insights. Meditation has helped me discard interesting but unnecessary information and focus on the few things that make a difference to long run investment performance.”
Importantly, meditation is not just “one more thing to do.” If you’re thinking that you have enough on your plate and don’t need yet another thing, consider this advice that Arianna Huffington shared with me. “Although I’ve known its benefits since my teens, finding time for meditation was always a challenge because I was under the impression that I had to ‘do’ meditation. And I didn’t have time for another burdensome thing to ‘do.’ Fortunately, a friend pointed out one day that we don’t ‘do’ meditation; meditation ‘does’ us. That opened the door for me. The only thing to ‘do’ in meditation is nothing.”
But as both research and experience show, doing nothing can have real results.
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